Episode 04 – The Human Target Pilot

INTRO MUSIC: CDK – “One Moment”

CARO: You’re listening to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley: A podcast for the fans, by the fans. Your hosts for this episode are:

MEGAN: Megan.

THERESA: Theresa.

LAUREN: Lauren.

ERIN: Erin.

MICHELLE: Michelle.

CARO: …Brittney, and Caro. Enjoy the show.

MUSIC BREAK

CARO: So, I finally sat down and had an interview with Alix – also known as “Deutschtard” on Livejournal. I had a chance to ask her about what she saw at the “Human Target” panel, and this is what she had to say.

C: Well first of all: was this your first time at Comic Con?

A: Yeah this was actually my first convention ever, let alone Comic Con and it was insane. I had never been around
so many people my entire life.

C: Were the lines (crazy)?

A: The lines were… Wow. It depended on what the line was for, but pretty much everywhere you went downstairs in
the exhibit hall, where all the booths were and where the signings were on Saturday and stuff that I went to. There were certain parts of the exhibit hall that were so clogged that you just had to, like, be herded like cows because there were so many people trying to go in the same direction.

C: So what was your favorite part? I mean, I know you probably loved getting to meet Jackie and everything but, besides from that? You got to meet a lot of other people too.

A: Yeah, um, let’s see. In the morning I went to what was called a Master Session for the Comic Book Legal Defense
Fund that Dave Gibbons was giving and he basically gave me and everybody else in there a drawing lesson for about an hour, which was really really awesome. And then on Sunday I went to the Doctor Who and Torchwood panels and I got to be in the same room at least as David Tennant and John Barrowman. And then I got, um… I don’t know if you ever knew the show Highlander, or the movie? But I got to meet Adrian Paul, the guy from the tv show.

C: So you had fun, all around.

A: I had a blast. I can’t wait to go next year.

C: OK, so you were there on Saturday?

A: Yeah, I was there Friday, Saturday and Sunday and Saturday was the day that all the Watchmen stuff was happening.

C: But you also got to see the Human Target panel, right?

A: Yes I did. It was really cool. The show looks pretty awesome and I’m actually relatively excited for it. Even
though, you know, when it premieres I will have already seen it.


C: Well, we wanted to know about that. Without, you know, spoilers. Does it offer something that’s worth tuning in for besides seeing Jackie weekly?

A: Oh yeah. I think so. The whole concept of the show is really interesting and you know being able to see- I think
you remember the clips that had come out where the main character, Mark Valley’s character, talks to the Japanese guy and has this whole spiel about where he learned it and it’s all a lie and stuff, well. It’s really interesting that he knows all this stuff and he’s able to do all that stuff and he’s like, I don’t remember where he’s gotten all his martial arts training but he knows how to kick butt and there’s some cool fights that happened, at least in the episode.

C: So it’s pretty heavy on the action then?

A: I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily heavy on the action, it’s a dramatic show basically. The plot of the show is
that he gets close to a person who pretty much has their life threatened and finds out who it is that’s threatening ther life and takes them down and saves the person’s life, basically. And he has his little team of people, cos he’s like, you have to contract him to do this and there’s Chi McBride who’s like, a manager guy and then Guerrero is his little… I don’t know what Guerrero is but he’s really funny. He’s basically like this hacker guy who can get into anything and can get you pretty much any information, you know. He’s got the hook ups into any number of social circles that might not be to savory and for such a seemingly small guy he can get relatively scary if he needs to, just because of how connected he is.

C: It doesn’t seem like he would turn out to be a villain…

A: No, no, he’s not a villain. He just knows how to deal with the people who are villains and he knows how to have
enough leverage to say “Hey, you don’t wanna screw with me because I can make your life a living hell”, basically. He’s character’s really cool, I can’t wait to see more development about him and, obviously, as well as the main character of the show too.

C: I guess they’re all sort of funny even though it’s a drama?

A: A little, you know, they all have their funny parts, I mean there are- obviously the show deals with serious
subjects but, you know, the fact that Chi’s character really doesn’t like Guerrero, they have an interesting little amusing animosity going on and it’s pretty much the same thing with Chi and Mark’s characters. Chi is trying to look out for Mark’s character and Mark is just, you know, putting himself in harm’s way so much that he, he does get seriously hurt and he could get himself killed one day becasue he does this. So Chi is always just trying to look out for him and making sure he doesn’t do anything like seriously crazy and he takes care of Mark’s character’s dog. He’s got I think it is either a Bulldog or Rottweiler,  I can’t remember. But he takes care of him if Mark’s out doing whatever his character’s doing and for however long.


C: That’s a pretty interesting dynamic between those two characters.

A: It is. It was really interesting. He walks in to check on, I think the dog and he finds out that Mark’s
character is actually back and the dog has been chewing on a Tennis shoe. It’s a little foggy now cos it’s been a while but I think all of them have like, a really interesting dynamic between just all three of them that’s gonna make all the interactions really interesting throughout the rest of the series.

C: They all said that their characters were dark, even if Jackie made fun of that, if they have a little depth to the character then it might get very interesting.

A: Yeah, they defintiely have depth, I mean, you don’t know very much about Chi’s character but you know that he
has known Mark’s character for a really long time. And he seems like he could have something going on in his own life that’s some sort of secret or something just because you don’t really know anything. But it could also be just because it was only one episode that you don’t get to see him too much. And then, Mark’s character just has obviously tons and tons of issues that made him believe that this was the way he wanted to spend the rest of his life. He’s probably got like a Rorschach level amount of issues that will be dealt with in different times and different ways during the series. And then Guerrero, well he’s- I don’t wanna like gush about him too much but he does seem like he is a bit of a bad ass because, you know, I can’t give away spoilers but there’s one scene where he gets out of a situation that would be pretty intense for anybody but he’s just sits there calmly and basically says: “I’m sorry you guys think you’re gonna win but I can pretty much take down everybody with a snap of my finger because I have all this information and all these connections, and I already know who you are.” Obviously he’s got some sort of a history in crime or something else that gives him all these skills.

C: He’s like a reformed criminal? Well, not a criminal, but, he has a little past.

A: I think he’s defintiely had some brushes with the law, considering you know, he’s supposed to be this very high tech guy who knows like how to get into computers obviously and stuff like that. I think it probably, it’s definitely a possibility that he might have done some prison time somewhere.

C: I liked that comparison you made with Mark’s character having Rorschach-style-issues.

A: Yeah, I mean, you know, something big has to happen in your life for you to think “OK, I’m gonna go pretend to
be people and probably get killed eventually someday doing this and be put in the line of death pretty much every day just to help these random people who I don’t even know”

C: Yeah well, they’re basically both risking their lives to save strangers. Well, Mark’s character, he gets to meet and eventually gets to know the people that he’s saving but when he agrees to it he doesn’t really know them.

A: Yeah, he just knows all the information he needs to know for the “mission” that he’s gonna be undertaking and,
you know, obviously as the mission goes on he finds out more information because there’s always gotta be a twist in things like these but, um… yeah.

C: All in all it looks (good?)

A: It looks good, it really does. There were points in it that were like a little cheesy in the beginning and the
end, but other than that it looks like a really good show. I definitely hope that it will be picked up and enough people will like it that it will stay.


C: Well, thank you for everything.

A: Not a problem at all. I had fun and stuff.

ERIN: OK, that’s cool. I just wanna say…I just wanna say that that’s a really great interview, and thank you, Alix, for doing this. And sorry we couldn’t all talk to you, but I think it’s probably a good thing that you didn’t have us bombard you with questions…

THERESA: (laughs)

MEGAN: Yeah. Have us all talking at once.

(all talking at once)

LAUREN: Yeah.

MICHELLE: Yes.

CARO: (laughing) I think it was better that we weren’t all there.

ERIN: Yeah, it would’ve…

MICHELLE: Well, plus, you know…we’re scary.

ERIN: Yeah.

LAUREN: Terrifying, even.

ERIN: That’s a lot of great info without giving spoilers. It’s perfect, so…I feel a lot better about “Human Target” now. I was just a little worried that, y’know, I’d be sitting through another thing for an actor that I like – even though he’s the best person to do that with.

LAUREN: Yeah.

ERIN: It’s still, like…it’s really great to hear that it’s going to have some merit besides that, and I’m like…I’m looking forward to it now.

LAUREN: Yeah. Definitely.

MICHELLE: Well, yeah, we’re not going to be sitting there for great, big five minutes of time.

MEGAN/ERIN: (laughing) Yeah.

MEGAN: Like “oh…”

CARO: What I really like, is that I read somewhere that they’re actually producing it more like they would produce a movie.

MICHELLE: Yeah. That’s how it should be done.

ERIN: That’s great. It reminds me of the shows that they’re trying to do on USA now, where they’re very character-based.

LAUREN: Yeah, I like that.

MEGAN: I want it to be out right now.

LAUREN: Yeah, I’m really frustrated that we have to wait ’til next year.

ERIN: At least it’s January next year, and not like October. (laughs)

MEGAN: Yeah, and not next Autumn. That would be awful.

LAUREN: Yeah, for a while it was gonna be a March release and I got really upset. And then they moved it to January, so. It’ll be like a birthday present.

MEGAN: (laughs)

ERIN: I don’t wanna do another countdown to March, like I did with something else.

LAUREN: Oh…I don’t think I could handle it.

ERIN: I’m really relieved that Alix thinks there’s merit to the show besides Chi and Jackie, because I love Chi McBride…but I was worried that I was going to be sitting through every scene that wasn’t them like, “Ughh…”

THERESA/MICHELLE: Yeah.

LAUREN: It isn’t going to be like “Nightmare on Elm Street”, for example, which we’re seeing for pretty much one reason.

ALL: (laughing) Yeah.

LAUREN: This might actually be a good show on its own merit, not just because of the actors that we like.

MEGAN/MICHELLE: Yeah.

MICHELLE: Reading what she says here, it really seems like the actors have a great dynamic between them. They’re not just sitting there getting their paychecks.

LAUREN: Yeah.

THERESA: Right.

LAUREN: It sounds like they’re pretty invested in it. I mean, there just seems like a lot of depth, you know? It’s serious, but there’s some funny moments, and they’re not villains, but…you know.

MICHELLE: Well, even just what we’ve been able to see on the “Human Target” panels on YouTube, they seem to get along.

LAUREN: Yeah, they have a good rapport.

THERESA: Right.

MICHELLE: Yeah, they’re not…there’s no animosity just seeping out the edges like you see on certain other shows.

LAUREN: Yeah, where you think that the actors are just gonna start, like, wailing on each other.

MICHELLE: Yeah.

LAUREN: Which I would enjoy, usually.

MEGAN: That’s be kinda interesting.

LAUREN: (laughs) Jackie could take him.

MEGAN: Jackie, like…yeah, Jackie like breaks out his karate. “Yeah!”

ERIN: I’m happy to hear her call it a drama-based show instead of, like, straight action, because…I was also worried about “action scene, action scene, action scene, Jackie, action scene, action scene, action scene, Chi.”

MEGAN: (laughs)

LAUREN: I don’t know, I could do that. I could just go to the bathroom during the rest of it.

ERIN: That’s true. That’s true.

MICHELLE: That’s a lot of pee.

LAUREN: I know.

(laughter)

LAUREN: Gotta get a Big Gulp beforehand.

ERIN: But I’m relieved to hear her report. It sounds…like, better than I thought it might be.

MEGAN: Yeah.

LAUREN: Yeah, because when I first heard, I was like, “Well, I’m gonna, obviously, watch it, but I’m not sure I’m going to enjoy myself.”

ERIN: Right.

LAUREN: “This is going to be, you know, ‘Zoo Gang’ in television form…”

MEGAN: Ohhhhh, nothing could be worse than “Zoo Gang”.

LAUREN: I don’t want them to try, though.

ERIN: Also hoping Guerrero isn’t bald by episode 2.

(laughing)

MEGAN: Yeah!

MICHELLE: Yes.

MEGAN: Well, I don’t think he will be. Because that…uh, that hair looks pretty thick. I mean…

LAUREN: That is a mane.

MEGAN: Right.

CARO: I don’t think they will change it.

ERIN: I’m not worried about them…

(laughing)

CARO: …Jackie will set the wig on fire by the second episode? (laughs)

ERIN: Yeah. (laughs) “Oh, what happened?”

MEGAN: They could have [him in] the second episode with no hair: “What happened?” “Oh, I got caught in a fire, you know…”

MICHELLE: “Cigar accident.”

(laughing)

ERIN: “How did that happen?” “Oh well. I’ll hop on the set now.”

MEGAN: If, like they, did…if they did that on the actual episode…the other two are like, “What happened to your hair?” “Oh, I was…there was a fire, and…you know, it’s best if you don’t know about it.”

LAUREN: “These questions you ask will lead to no good.”

MICHELLE: “Bastard named ‘The Comedian’ showed up…”

(laughing)

MEGAN: “And this guy was handing out free fire!”

THERESA: There’s a zombie cop involved somewhere.

(laughing)

ERIN: I like that, for a little guy…it’s another character that, you know, for a little guy he’s unassuming, but he can actually kick lots of ass.

MEGAN: Always! I love how in almost everything he’s in, they make references to his height. Like Moocher: they keep calling him shorty. In Renegade, he’s like…he calls him a “midget biker.” I love…

ERIN: That’s part of the fun. I mean, a lot of us…we jokingly call ourselves “ShortSchach”…

MEGAN: “Shortschachs.”

LAUREN: Yeah.

ERIN: Because a lot of us are…of diminutive size.

(laughing)

MICHELLE: Yeah.

ERIN: We get to call ourselves “petites” because we’re female, but…that’s part of the fun in Jackie Earle performances, is that you always get…well generally, you get a little badass that you can feel good about.

MEGAN: Yeah.

THERESA: That’s what makes his work so interesting, is that…yeah, there are some other short actors in Hollywood, but nobody gets this little niche like he’s got. And you don’t see Tom Cruise playing the little tough badass.

MEGAN: Because Tom Cruise is a friggin…

LAUREN: Little weasel.

MEGAN: …weirdo.

THERESA/MICHELLE: Yeah.

ERIN: Yeah, in the…in some of his older work that we’ve been watching, we’ve noticed that he often gets tea…um, he often gets made fun of for his height. But it’s often followed by somebody getting shivved in the gut or punched in the face.

(evil laughing)

MEGAN: That’s why you don’t call…

THERESA: He’s little but he’s scrappy.

MEGAN: That’s why you don’t call people “shorty.”

ERIN: Yeah…

MICHELLE: Yeah. We’ll bite you.

(laughing)

ERIN: Bite your ankles.

THERESA: Hard.

MEGAN: (scared) “What are gonna do?!”

MICHELLE: And break your fingers.

ERIN: He fulfills our short revenge fantasies.

MICHELLE: Exactly, we have Napoleon complexes, is what it comes down to.

THERESA: (laughs) …yeah.

ERIN: But now, we should call them “Rorschach Complexes.” (pause) Nah…

MICHELLE: Yeah, that’s…

ERIN: No, that’s…actually, that’s…that’s way too loaded to be about height.

(laughing)

THERESA/LAUREN: Yeah.

ERIN: But we can call it a “Shortschach Complex.”

MICHELLE: There we go.

MEGAN: Yeah, there you go.

ERIN: It all goes back to Shortschach.

MEGAN: Who do you guys like better? Lets go into this again. Who do you guys like better: Stick or Braxton? Because we were talking about this on Twitter, and we can probably talk about it better here than when you have a 140 characters to…

ERIN: Uh, Stick. We need to do, like, specific episodes for every one of those appearances.

CARO/MEGAN/LAUREN: Yeah.

THERESA: And movies.

ERIN: An entire episode dedicated to “Renegade”…

CARO: I still think I like Braxton better.

MEGAN: Yeah.

MICHELLE: I…

THERESA: Yeah.

CARO: He took out the entire borough.

MEGAN: It may or may not be because of the kiss.

MICHELLE: I like Frank.

ERIN: Whoa, whoa: (Braxton voice) “The entire fuckin’ borough.”

LAUREN: “…borough.”

MEGAN: Yes.

CARO: (laughing) I can’t do that accent.

ERIN: (laughs)

MEGAN: (Braxton voice) “We could take over the entire fuckin’ borough!” One of my favorite, uh, Braxton moments, aside from the kiss, is when they bring the one guy in, and he’s like “My fuckin’ pool table!”

THERESA: “…pool table!”

(laughing)

MEGAN: “You got blood- You think the blood just comes outta the goddamn felt?!” And then he shoots him. He’s like, “See what you made me do?!”

(laughing)

THERESA: Other than the kiss, my favorite Braxton moment’s gotta be the scene with, uh…oh, what’s her name…the gal.

MEGAN: Debbie?

ERIN: (laughs) The gal?

THERESA: Debbie. Where, after his wound is reopened, and they’re sitting there talking…

MEGAN: Oh yeah.

CARO: “Sit down. Don’t make me get up.”

MEGAN: “…don’t make me get up.”

THERESA: Yeah. (laughs)

MEGAN: Ah…I love the eyes, just saying.

THERESA: Yeah, but just his monologue before about…life in general. I pulled up Dollman to refresh myself on that scene, and Debbie’s telling Braxton how he could stop this whole thing right now, and he starts telling her, “Don’t you get it”, basically how they’re all doomed, and the man controls everything. Just kind of an unexpected scene from him.

ERIN: Yeah!

MEGAN: I remember he told her she’s on “the wrong fuckin’ side.”

THERESA: Yeah.

ERIN: That’s the thing about Dollman, is that it’s supposed…it’s like the whole movie is this really cheesy B-movie with ridiculous injuries and fights, and like I’m laughing, “Ha ha ha”, and then this horribly tragic scene comes out of nowhere, where’s this guy is dying, and it’s…it’s kind of sad!

THERESA: It’s very sad! I actually…pretty much cried the first time I saw it!

ERIN: It’s like, “What is this, in the the middle of the movie?!” Like…

MEGAN: I knew he would die, because I saw, like, different parts of the movie. But, um…I was like, “Aw man, this is really upsetting.”

ERIN: Yeah, I was like, “It shouldn’t be that upsetting in a B-movie!”

THERESA: Yeah.

ERIN: It’s funny, because…yeah, we can even talk about his characters in B-movies and cheesy 90’s…uh, y’know, dramas, and we can still take his performance seriously. Or not- Even if not seriously, we can still discuss it, because there’s always something to discuss, and there’s always depth there. No matter what he’s in. I mean, that’s why he’s fun to watch.

LAUREN: Yeah.

MEGAN: Yeah.

MUSIC: jikjax – “Kill Kill Kill Yourself”

THERESA: Then there was that, uh, blog about…

LAUREN: “Nightmare”?

THERESA: “Don’t mess with Freddy Krueger.”

ERIN: Heehhhh…

MICHELLE: Yeahhh…

MEGAN: Eghh.

THERESA: The more I read it, the more…angry it makes me.

LAUREN: See, my anger goes does because I just realize that the guy is missing the point.

MICHELLE: He’s an entitled fanboy, what do you expect?

LAUREN: You don’t have to be excited about the remake. I mean, I’ve had some…you know, bitchfits about remakes, but…it’s “Nightmare on Elm Street.” This is not poetry, this is not, you know…I don’t, I can’t even think of… Like, “The Godfather.”

ERIN: It’s not “Watchmen” or anything. (laughs)

THERESA: Right…

LAUREN: That was an adaptation! Let’s get this right.

CARO: What really bothers me is that he just doesn’t get it. He keeps blaming Jackie for it.

THERESA: Exactly.

ERIN: Yeah, that’s…

MEGAN: He’s just…he’s the one who was cast as Freddy. If this guy’s angry at anyone, he should be angry at the casting director, if he doesn’t like the decision that they made to include him in the movie.

LAUREN: Or maybe the scriptwriters?

THERESA: Or the writers, who…

MEGAN: The scriptwriters.

THERESA: Exactly.

ERIN: Yeah. He doesn’t even…he doesn’t seem to have a problem with the cast. Like, he seems to be blaming…(laughs) Jackie Earle for the fact that Freddy is not gonna be jokey anymore. But that’s obviously…that’s where they decided to take it with the script and the entire production, so.

LAUREN: Yeah, but I mean, it’s still- It’s gonna be fundamentally ridiculous. It’s a guy who kills you in your dreams.

MICHELLE: Well, yeah.

LAUREN: That’s fu-nny. Well, it’s creepy too. But, I mean, it’s…I don’t know, I think this guy’s really overestimating the level of power that Jackie Earle Haley has.

THERESA: He has some, but not that much.

ERIN: He’s a fanboy who likes the “Nightmare on Elm Street” movies where Freddy Krueger kills people dressed as a French waiter, or hits Johnny Depp with a frying pan, so…

(laughing)

LAUREN: Who doesn’t like that?

MEGAN: A giant…he becomes a giant bagpipe spider!

LAUREN: Hyeah.

ERIN: Eh, yeah, it says: “Jackie Earle Haley, if you’re reading…” Heh. “Try to remember that Freddy Krueger isn’t a psychologically damaged real-life murderer – he’s Father Jack with a face that looks like a giant cold sore. Let’s keep him that way.” You’re addressing the wrong person. (laughs)

MEGAN: Uh, Rorschach wasn’t a real-life murderer. He’s a comic book character.

ERIN: I don’t want to put down the original movies, or anyone involved with them, or anyone that likes them…

LAUREN: No, they’re fun.

ERIN: Just…yeah, he is missing the point when he’s, like, addressing the lead actor. Obviously, that’s not…

CARO: I think the fanboys should really lay off and stop whining, at least until the movie comes out.

LAUREN: Yeah, then they can bitch all the want.

MICHELLE: Definitely. Yeah.

ERIN: (laughs) Yeah, pretty much.

LAUREN: Well, at least they will have something specific to complain about.

MICHELLE: Yeah, because they have not given us anything, except a poster.

THERESA: Right.

LAUREN: Yeah, and that crappy still.

ERIN: And the fact that they cast Jackie Earle Haley in the lead.

THERESA: And the one picture.

MEGAN: And that picture where he’s in the classroom or whatever, which is really creepy.

LAUREN: They look great, I just wish I could see them better.

MICHELLE: Well, that and his little claws whenever he was drinking coffee and put a picture on Twitter.

LAUREN: (laughs) Yes.

MEGAN: That was great!

ERIN: I think most of the fanboys are actually, like…If I’m correct, and this is kind of what I’ve been noticing, is that…you know, when the remake was announced, you know, the fanboys were like, “Oh my god, no!! They can’t do it!” Which usually happens when remakes are announced, and then it was like, “Jackie Earle Haley is Freddy.” And then everyone was kind of like: “…Oh. Well.”

THERESA: “Really. Huh!”

LAUREN: “OK then!”

CARO: Well, he…he gives the whole thing, you know…

ERIN: Credibility! Well…

CARO: Yeah, exactly.

LAUREN: Yeah.

ERIN: Well, there’s…it’s like a guarantee that at least 40% of the film is gonna be awesome.

CARO: I’m also getting tired of reminding everyone that Freddy wasn’t actually jokey, or anything like that, in the first one.

MICHELLE: No no, in the first one he was just killing people.

LAUREN: Yeah, yeah.

CARO: This is what they’re remaking. They’re remaking the first one.

ERIN: Yeah. I think everyone, I guess, grew to love the jokey Freddy in the sequels so much that sort of forget that, and they want to keep that.

CARO: Freddy has like no face time in the first one.

LAUREN: Really?

MICHELLE: Well, that made him…that, it made it actually kind of creepy.

LAUREN: Yeah, that whole thing that it’s scarier what you imagine, than what you actually see.

MEGAN: Yeah. Which is why, I think, a lot of horror movies nowadays are not scary, because they’re all…they’re less about psychological terror, and they’re more about: “Let’s see how gross we can make this and freak people out.”

ERIN: Right.

MICHELLE: I’m looking at you, “Hostel”.

LAUREN: Oh, God!

THERESA: Yeah.

MEGAN: Oh, I haven’t seen those. Thanks, Eli Roth. It’s- Alfred Hitchcock said it best. I just found this quote: “There’s no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it.”

ERIN: This article…this article is bizarre, because…all of it is blaming Jackie Earle Haley for the direction this movie took, which is ridiculous, but half of it reads like a threat.

LAUREN: (laughs) Yeah, like, “I’m gonna come kick your ass!”

ERIN: “It’s a dangerous path Haley is on here.” “So, Jackie Earle Haley, if you’re reading…” (laughs) Like…oh my God!

MEGAN: What-

MICHELLE: He wants to save his acting soul, or something to the effect.

MEGAN: What an asshole!

ERIN: Back off! That’s why…that’s why we’re bristling now in response. Like, “Wait a minute!”

MEGAN: What a total asshole.

LAUREN: I mean, you don’t have to be excited about the movie, you don’t have to like it, you don’t have to see it. But, like, blaming…that’s like, “I blame you, Gaffer Number 8!

MICHELLE: Yeah.

ERIN: (laughing) Yeah.

LAUREN: “You bastard!”

CARO: Maybe he’s being sarcastic.

ERIN: Are we all missing the point?!

LAUREN: I don’t think that we all would have, though.

ERIN: If it’s meant to be sarcastic, it’s brilliant! (laughs)

LAUREN: (laughing) We didn’t get it!

ERIN: But the article makes a lot more sense when you read it that way.

MICHELLE: Damn it! We just spent two hours bitching about- (laughs)

(laughing)

LAUREN: I think he’s serious. I mean, it’s…I mean, the end part that you read does sound like a joke…I mean, the whole ending does, but the first part sounds pretty…serious. You know, um…(reads) “Freddy Krueger’s mutant Timmy Mallett act was his USP. Take away his gleeful misbehavior and you’re left with a painfully generic movie villain who could have come from any number of low-rent slasher films.” I mean, that sounds pretty…

ERIN: It’s funny, because I do think he’s taking it too seriously, but, you know…by saying that the movie is taking Freddy too seriously. (laughs)

LAUREN: Yeah.

MICHELLE: I’m sorry, the dude has razor blades on his gloves, I would take him seriously.

LAUREN: (laughs) Yeah.

MICHELLE: I would consider him a hazard.

ERIN: I won’t take pizza-face Freddy seriously, but I will take burn-victim-Freddy seriously.

MEGAN: Yes, I would…

LAUREN/MICHELLE: Yeah.

MUSIC: _ghost – “Ice and Chilli”

MEGAN: …oh my God.

THERESA: There’s a little bit of an article on Shutter Island in the Entertainment Weekly.

MEGAN: Oh, really?

THERESA: Yeah, just about a one-page article, but there’s a couple of new pictures.

MEGAN: (shuddering) Oooh.

THERESA: Nothing with Jackie, but…

MEGAN: Of course.

CARO: Yeah, I’ve been wondering about that. Because I haven’t seen much of…many articles or anything about the movie.

LAUREN: Well, it’s probably because they’re gearing up for when it comes out. I think it’s gonna be an Oscar season run.

THERESA: Yeah.

ERIN: Right, when is it coming out?

LAUREN: I think…October.

MEGAN: It’s coming out October 2nd.

THERESA: The 2nd.

CARO: October 2nd?

LAUREN: They got a really good cast.

MEGAN: Yeah, they did. It’s really…I’m really impressed with who they got for this movie. Like…I love half the people that are in the movie, so it’s gonna be good.

LAUREN: Well, if you’ve got Martin Scorcese directing, you don’t really say “No” if they ask you if you want to be in his movie.

MEGAN/THERESA: Yeah…

LAUREN: You say, “Thank you, Sir.”

THERESA/ERIN: “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” / “Please, sir, may I have another?”

LAUREN: Yeah, really.

ERIN: (laughs) Hive mind.

(laughing)

MEGAN: Like, Patricia…Patricia Clarkson’s in it. And, like…

LAUREN: She’s awesome!

THERESA: They just barely mention Jackie in the article. It just says, uh: “Kingsley plays one of the institution’s doctors, while Jackie Earle Haley continues his career comeback as an inmate who may know something about the missing woman.”

LAUREN: How long until it stops being a comeback? Like, does he have another year or two?

(laughing)

MEGAN: I think…I think this year will be the last year they refer to him as a “comeback.”

ERIN: Did you see that interview with, um, Kate Winslet? Where she just calls him, like, the “sweetest man” she’s ever met?

LAUREN/MEGAN: Aww.

CARO: I like the one where Jackie said that…he said, “Even though I’m much older than her, she feels like my older sister.” Because she was…”I was in my two comeback movies with her.”

THERESA: Yeah.

ERIN: Aww.

THERESA: I love that so much.

LAUREN: That’s so cool.

ERIN: Well, like…Yeah, if you guys don’t have that audio interview with Texas Public Radio, I think it is…you really need to get it, because it tells the story about the whole audition for “Little Children”, and how he and Kate Winslet, like…started crying and hugging when he got the part.

LAUREN/MEGAN: Aw!

CARO: The worst I’ve read was in…in the papers, my local papers, that they got his story completely messed up. They said that…like he was struggling with money and delivering pizzas right up until he made his comeback.

THERESA: Oh…

LAUREN: That’s…not…true.

ERIN: Well, that’s definitely more dramatic.

LAUREN: Yeah. (dramatic) “He lived in a box down the street!”

(laughing)

THERESA: He put his little…

ERIN: Steve Zaillian passed the cardboard box, just like peeked in, and was like, “Hey, aren’t you Jackie Earle Haley?”

LAUREN: He was hatched from an egg.

(laughing)

LAUREN: And walked onto the set.

CARO: They saw him sleeping in a cardboard box down the street, and they said, “Hey, you wanna be in a movie?”

LAUREN: That’s ridiculous.

ERIN: Or, no…Steve Zaillian literally did reach his hand out of the sky as clouds parted…

(laughing)

THERESA: Angelic choirs sang…

CARO: They actually found him on a corner with the “End is Nigh” sign, and said, “I wonder if he’d look good as a redhead?”

(laughing)

ERIN: They pulled him out from grime and they placed him in a…in a claw-foot tub, and washed him and bathed him, and clothed him in a white robe…

CARO: Taught him how to talk again…

(laughing)

MEGAN: Gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.

THERESA: Zaillian was walking down the street, he saw him sitting there with his “End is Nigh” sign, and said, “Hey kid, you look like you’ve got a face for movies! Wanna come be in this little picture we’re makin’?” “Well, sure, Mr. Zaillian!”

(laughing)

LAUREN: “You’ve got a face for the movin’ pictures.”

MICHELLE: Then they handed him over over to Patrick Wilson for care and keeping.

END MUSIC: _ghost – “Ice and Chilli”

Written by Puina on August 17, 2009

Filed Under: Episodes

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[...] AboutCastTranscripts »Episode 04 – Transcript [...]

More Info About The Human Target Pilot

August 27th, 2009 at 7:31 pm    

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[...] the whole interview and to hear the episode it was featured in, click here. Thank you Alix / deutschtard for talking with us. C: Well, we wanted to know about that. Without, [...]

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